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August 25, 2006
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Movie Reviewers
This movie is wrong on so many levels. The character development is lacking and the acting is sub par. But wait; there are snakes on a plane! Sure, this is as subtle as, well, as snakes on a plane! So, what you see is what you get. You should expect to love it or hate it based on the title that delivers on its promise. All films should be so honest.
Samuel L. Jackson stars in the role he was born to play. He shines as FBI Agent Flynn with a no-name cast whose combined credits equal one of his off years. Jax signed on to this project specifically because of its title. It was later changed to “Pacific Air Flight 121,” which is tomato-tomahto to most people, but Jackson demanded the original title.
The story begins in Hawaii, where Sean, a moto-crossing surfer dude witnesses a murder by organized crime boss Edward Kim and his gang. Agent Flynn convinces Sean to testify against Kim in L.A. Flynn escorts Sean on that fateful flight. If you think Kim is a cold-blooded killer, stay tuned for what’s to come. Hint: Snakes on a plane!
Among the typical motley crew and passengers on this 747 are Clarence, the Puffy-type rap star and his posse, Mercedes and Mary Kate (her little dog), a honeymooning couple, two young brothers traveling alone, an arrogant Englishman, a mother and her baby and an attractive young couple who can’t keep their hands off each other.
To prevent Sean from testifying, Kim creates an elaborate scheme involving large crates of exotic snakes in the plane’s cargo hold. Once in the air, the crates are programmed to open. A scent was added to floral leis around the passengers’ necks. Then, the snakes find every orifice between the hold and the passenger cabin to make their attack.
Now the fun begins. Think of every way a snake could attack and you’ll see it here. The constricted producers even invited a large Internet cult-following to send suggestions, which were added to the film. The result is some of the most gruesome, horrific and wildly funny ways to die. You might say this puts the fun back in dys-fun-ctional.
Technically, these assassins are “un-armed,” but they have tongues longer than basketball’s Michael Jordan and Rocker Gene Simmons put together; we’re talking scary. Actually, one passenger seems to enjoy it, initially. Oh yes, this is a tasteless and cheesy B-type movie with sex and gratuitous gore, but it is also an event. It is one of those audience participation movies where it’s okay to laugh and scream at the screen.
In this case, the audience was rowdy even before the movie started. Then, they went wild when Agent Flynn finally lost his cool and uttered those soon to be immortal words, “I’ve had it with these @#$%&* snakes on this @#$%&* plane!” That’s when he finally begins to kick some serious asp, as well as several other species.
In some ways, this very bad movie is good because it’s bad. It could have been called “Multi-Pythons Flying Serpents.” Maybe not, but we think it definitely is a contender for movie of the year; no, not an Oscar, but for the MTV awards. It would join past winners, such as “Napoleon Dynamite” and “Wedding Crashers.”
“Snakes on a Plane” is rated R for language, sexuality, drug use and intense sequences of terror and violence. It is appropriate only for the more mature teens and adults. Consider this film’s premise as absurd. The title is the big story. It originated at an after-work happy hour among Hollywood colleagues to see who could come up with the most awful pitch for a movie. Producer Craig Berenson won the big prize.
There were 450 snakes used in the making of this film. All were chosen for their menacing appearance, but not all snakes are harmful. It’s just 99 percent of them that give the rest a bad name. So, if you already fear snakes or flying, or both, you could easily be scared half to death a couple of times during this show. If you check the math, you might not want to fight those odds.
Ron’s Rating: B+ Leigh’s Rating: D-
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